Mommy wars?! Who needs em?

Dec 26, 2014
I want to begin this post by saying that my hubs is completely awesome.  He works so hard and on top of everything else, he helps edit my writing.  Sometimes I can be a bit, well...creative.  As I was reading the edits to my original, I decided to leave them.  Everything you see in red, he wrote.  I hope you will think he is as funny as I do.  #sexynerd. 

I have to say that personally I have never felt the effects of the Mommy wars. (I don't know what the mommy wars are, but I'll guess. Maybe something like, "You know what I mean: one mommy asks whether it is always this hard to breastfeed, and a million screaming boob-zealots descend upon her from wherever internet trolls come from to tell her that she will destroy her precious little angel's life, forever and for all time, if she so much as lets a sealed can of powdered formula in the house. For goodness's sake! Avoid that aisle at the grocery store. You don't know what will happen!!!)  Maybe I have been lucky or maybe I have surrounded myself with supportive people. 

I have some friends that tell me about the outrageous things that they read about on boards.  "My nanny insists that she only work for 8 hours, and I need a massage!" You know, those due date friends boards?  Where someone yells at someone else because they are giving their child milk in a sippy cup?  I guess I missed that one, because I have never been on one.

I have definitely seen the crazies come out when the topics of breastfeeding vs bottle feeding and car seats come out.  I guess it's pretty easy to sit in front of a computer and judge people.  I have found myself doing it from time to time, but I usually just walk away. (Everything can be summed up by this link from the Onion)

Breastfeeding is one of the hot-button issues. Not all of us are able to breastfeed.  Sometimes it just isn't possible.  I have been lucky enough to breastfeed all three of my babies, but you will never hear me say to another mom (virtually or otherwise) that she is hurting her baby by giving them formula.  Never.  I have no idea the path she is walking.  I have a few friends that struggled for months and just couldn't do it.  Lots of, you know what I mean, you have cried when the doctor tells you to do more when the baby isn't gaining weight.  How much more can you do?  My heart hurts for you and I will never condemn you.

Being a mom is hard.  Even though we (stay at home moms) are surrounded by people all day, it gets lonely.  I understand the urge to reach out and connect with others.  I just don't understand attacking one another.   (The job is hard enough without attacking each other anonymously. After that hard morning, where everything went wrong, stop to think that, maybe, the lady on the other end of the interwebz just had the same morning as you. Will your criticism help her? Would it help you?)

There is one mommy group I belong to.  It's a email group of really funny and smart ladies who live all over the U.S.  We have asked each other questions, made each other laugh and cried with each other through hospital stays with kidlets and a cancer diagnosis.  (I think a key part of the group's success is the high irreverence factor.) Moms need support.  We need each other.  Generally, most of us are darn good people who are just doing their best every day.  I love those girls and wish we could start our own crazy, reality TV watching, wine drinking commune.

I guess I just want to say to all of the Internet armchair critics sitting in their perfect houses, with their perfect, organically breastfed children.  Those of you who craft and play all day long in your spotless homes; always making sure that your kids are exquisitely belted into their car seats (every time) with soft toys that will never hurt anyone in case of an accident.  You always have the right to your opinion and to voice it, but, please, think beyond yourself and consider the other position.  I know I'm not perfect.  I will accept loving help, but lay off each other.  The mommy wars have got to stop.  I like nice.  Let's just do nice.  Happy Holidays everyone!



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