I honestly didn't even know how I would begin to write this. If you read my post awhile ago, R3 has been receiving services from Infants and Toddlers for a while.  Recently, we heard a new word...a scary one.

We have been working with him on developing language, with their help, since he was 18 months old.  He has been improving, but we felt like we wanted more answers.   You see, I have a Masters Degree in Early Childhood Special Education.  Professionally, I worked with kids his age with disabilities.  He stumped me.  His Service provider sat with me last summer and we did the Autism Checklist.  He scored low/no risk.  Really.  After a few more months it became apparent to me that he was displaying some more characteristics.

 After a long process, we had an appointment with the Kennedy Kreiger Institute at Johns Hopkins.  It is a lucky thing to have a world class facility close to us.  It was a long process because of me.  I wasn't ready to hear what I knew we would hear.  

We sat in that room, with a lovely doctor who patiently got our little man to stack blocks, label objects and perform other task.  Nothing about it was frightening and I numbed myself to the words I knew were coming.  Autism Spectrum Disorder.  We sat and smiled and asked questions.  My hubby later asked me, does that mean Autism?  I think it took us both some time to decompress.  Even though I KNEW what would happen, I still wasn't ready.

Honestly, I'm scared.  I'm scared for his future.  I want him to have friends, go to college, get married and do all of the things that parents want.  I want him to be happy. I'm so scared that my sweet and social little boy won't have friends.  Not because he doesn't want them, because he desperately tries.  It's because he doesn't speak well, and because his attempts to play are confusing to kids.  Right now the kids in his class don't seem to mind, but that won't always be the case.

Now, where does that leave us?  Even as a professional in this world of Special Needs, it is overwhelming.  There is support out there, it's just hard to figure it all out. 

If you are someone who prays, or someone who sends well wishes , please keep my sweet little boy in your thoughts.  He can use it.  Honestly, we all can.


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